|
|
Wednesday, August 4th, 2004
|
| Time: | 12:53 am. |
| Mood: |  happy. | | Music: | The Crystal Method - You Know Its Hard. |
|
Man, senior year feels like it came so fast.
So, another month from now ill be sitting in a classroom thinking about my summer
and how much ive changed over the years.
Now that i think about it. When i first started highschool i didnt so much want to
fit in with everyone, nor stand out. I wanted to be myself and only myself and not
let anyone change that. My taste in music has expanded very far as well as my outlook
on life. Now that i always see into new peoples lives i realize that i dont want to just
die and give up like i originally thought i would do. Never really thought i would make it
this far in highschool so everything from this point on. Is new ground.
As far as the relationships and friendships ive had since this little adventure began.
Some i want to keep and some ive already done away with. Some will be new, others old.
Alex is and always will be my closest and best friend and i wish him exceptionally well in
anything he does in his life.
Same goes for Brian too, because in a way he showed me how much i really didnt need all the shit
i thought i needed which was creating stress on me and keeping me from doing things i wanted to do.
Ive finally done away with Tiffany. I feel nothing for her anymore, if anything she is more like
Amanda was to me. Which is saying a lot in a way. I can't describe all thats happened and i wouldnt
if i could becuase it was between her and i. So you know now, its done. Totally done.
I haven't had a girlfriend all summer, nor hooked up with anyone and in a way im kinda glad
to this point of being single. Ive been able to straighten things out with myself and finally take
on things which had been getting to me. I still dont know all that much if i want to try another
relationship in highschool. I mean some of them seem to work for some people like alex and steph and brian and kaylinn. Thats them though. So i guess if the anything comes up reguarding that ill think about it more then just a simple yes or no.
All i want to do this school year is work like i have all summer and finish highschool with good grades.
I also want to get good at something, something other people have a hard time doing, something amazing.
Have a few ideas but not sharing just yet :-)
So i guess ill end this entry here. Maybe even write more later who knows.
I dont care if anyone reads this or the whole world does anymore.
Oh yeah, while im still logged in. I wanted to do this...
To all you who lied to me
fucked me over
done some wrong shit to me.
You know exactly who you are..
So fuck you.
|
|
Comments: Read 39 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
Work is wonderful, i made 450 on a paycheck, but the man took like 60.
I was kinda mad but hey its not too bad. I bought an mp3 player.
The sony minidisc, i love it, its so much better then my cd playe becuase
it does not skip and does not use cds. All the mp3 are recorded to the removable
minidisc inside of it and ta da, 56 battery hours of whatever 50 songs you
wanted.
Though i have some things now ive wanted for a long time, i still find
myself feeling kind of emtpy on the inside. I really wish i had someone to really spend time with, but you know, shit happens or doesnt happen. I really dont care now, ive been lied to enough and misled. So im saying whatever. I want to hook up this summer with someone i dont know. And i want it to be far from here.
Im going to New York for a week or so. I hope i meet someone up north. Ill be staying with my friend scott for a day or 2. We will paint New Milford blue.
Goodbye for now, i leave you with whatever you came in search of.
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
|
Ok, so this is summer.
Since the last day i had to go, last exam and all, I havent really done much of anything. Ive been working almost every day now, which i like because im starting to make more money now. I haven't done much with any of my friends except alex and heather. I havent seen anyone or anything which in some way i kind of enjoy now. I dont really know if i want to actually hang out with anyone all that much anymore, I mean i do...but...i dunno.
I want to meet more people. Im tired of seeing the same faces every day, it seems like nothing changes around here, and im pretty much tired of it.
So yeah, ill update like twice a week i guess..
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
| Time: | 9:00 pm. |
| Music: | coldplay - superstition. |
|
Im so tired, i dont know why.
Im listening to coldplay as you can see
on the little music thing.
Wow it was hot today. I mean, im getting
use to it and all, considering ive lived
here for a while now, but it still gets
to me. Though as much as i dont like the
heat, it usually yields a cool night which
feels incredibly good when all the lights
in the house are out and the window are
open. It feels like exactly what it is
a warm summer night.
The fire flies are out tonight as well,
its amazing seeing them light themselves
as they glide through the soft air.
When i was little i would try to catch
them but they would always fly away. I
remember i always wanted a jar to keep
them in so they could light the house
since it was dark inside. I always
thought i would kill them and the thought
of me killing something as interesting
and amazing as a fire fly was horrible,
so i never kept them long. I would keep
them in my hand for a little while and it
would light up in my hand, then i would let
it fly off with the rest.
So, i was in the living room sitting on the
tan leather couch with knight. He was laying
on the floor in front of it though, because
thats just what he does, strange little guy.
Anywho, I almost fell asleep because i was so
comfortable there.
I wish you could have been there.
Im meeting Scott with everyone tomorrow at
the tavern after school. I hope i can get
some money out of the bank, even though
i only have like 30 something dollars left
in my account. I still have yet to see my
check from work. Im expecting two. One from
doing that kids thing when i had to be sponge
bob square pants for a while, and another from
the day i was just sort of walking through
town and i decided to help out john and
jarhead.
Red Hot Chili Peppers - this is the place
Blah, im going to find something to do now, good-bye
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
|
Orgy's new cd. Punk Statik Paranoia is out now in stores !
New sound, its good, some of it is a bit more hard.
Go buy it now, dont download it though, they need the money
bad :) and the cd is like 12 dollars.
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
|
My weekened really started friday. I came home ready to go
out for the night with heather and possible to the after
prom at the freedom center, since i had never been there.
I spent pretty much all of friday playing counter strike
with brian and the new clan [zs]. Eventually Heather got on
at like 11 after she got off work and decided she didnt want
to go anywhere because she was tired, so i was like thats cool
and went back to playing cs. 2 in the morning rolled around
before i knew it and i decided i should get off because
I had to get up early the next morning for Hfstival.
I was so excited to go again, i loved it last year, and i was
hoping this year would be the same, if not better...
In very very short detail, it was so much fun. I met interesting
people, drunk people, stupid people, smart people. I moshed in
Offspring's mosh pit and crowd surfed. Like i said, many
new expiriences and whatnot.
Monday came like a fist in the gut. I dont even remember what i did
sunday, which is sad considering i know i slept through most of it.
It was an A day, the days which i hate because of the classes i have.
I cant change that though, so i should stop bitching about it.
Later, after school, Tiffany and i talked for a bit. I want to take her
to New York with me.
Today, which is tuesday, I left school early with my mom. I called
her from german class and told her i wasent feeling well because in
all actuality i felt horrible. There was no way i was going to get throug
school today without snapping on someone, which probably would have felt
good to a certain extent. Anywho, i guess this is a fair warning for all
the people who I usually talk to and everything that are not considered
close friends; Dont bother me with your bullshit this week, or next week.
If you do i will just walk away while you talk to yourself, i dont want to
deal with you right now. Chances are we are still cool, but just leave me
the hell alone for a while.
Anywho, i spent my day relaxing and playing some games. I guess you could
call it a small taste of what summer will be for me anyway...
Now back to one of the few things that makes me warm inside, the light from
my computer as it plays odd patterns in the dark for me. <3 zelda
|
|
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
So everyone is so excited about prom and all.
Thats good, its nice to see my close friends happy and all
ie alex and steph. Nelson is excited about it as well.
I guess i cant help but feel lonely now, as i again realize
i have no one. So blah. Everyone have fun. I don't want to hear
about any of my friends on the 10 o clock news because of some jackass
who thought he could drive after downing all the alcohol
he could.
I think i might get some take out tonight. I might go to the madarian
house, but i need to stop by 711 or somewhere and get some money out.
Maybe ill go to giant and do that. It costs 2 dollars, and i can only withdraw
20's. Which is really annoying considering i currently have 38 in my account
right now because i didnt deposit my 75 dollar check. My mom said she
would deposit it for me, or chash it, whichever. Cash would be nice though
I need some for Hfstvial tomorrow. I cant wait.
Good-bye
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
|
currently on my play list...
Rammstein - Adios
Endo - Malice
Type o Negative - twelve black rainbows
Slipknot - my plague
Motorhead - Ace of spades
Godsmack - voodoo
Im skipping my b3 sol, i dont know what im going to do though.
I think its in the morning or something like that so ill just sleep in late and accidently miss half of school or something. I dont know.
Im mad at something/someone...everyone? I dont know. I really dont right now. So don't ask.
fuck it, i dont even know what to write so i leave you with malice..
I can't breathe cuz I don't wanna breathe no more.
I can't see cuz I don't wanna see at all.
I can't feel cuz I don't wanna feel no more.
I can't deal cuz I don't wanna deal at all!
In a state.
I can't breathe cuz I don't wanna breathe no more.
I can't see cuz I don't wanna see at all.
I can't feel cuz I don't wanna feel no more.
I can't deal cuz I don't wanna deal at all!
I'm paranoid, socially paranoid.
I'm waiting on an asteroid to come along and make us well.
I'm paranoid, mentally in a void.
I'm waiting on an asteroid to come along and make us well!
FUCK YOUR PERFECTION! YOUR PERFECTION!
You want that personal attention, your perfection...
In a state of malice, in a state of shame...
I wouldn't be so careless if I had you to blame.
Now I lay me down to rest, now I lay me down.
Now I lay me down to death, NOW I LAY ME!
Now I lay me down to rest, (I can't breathe cuz I don't wanna breathe no more)
Now I lay me down. (I can't see cuz I don't wanna see at all.)
Now I lay me down to rest, now I lay me down.
Now I lay me down to death, NOW I LAY ME!
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
|
LET us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherised upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats( Read more... )
|
|
Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Tuesday, April 27th, 2004
|
|
|
Im riding a bomb to hiroshima.
I have no idea what im going to write.
Today was just another day in the life of me.
I had to go outside today during EP to get 30 seconds of the parking lot.
It was raining and the sun was out. I remembered
something my mom told me when the first time i had
seen something as odd as this...
"Its a sun shower. Its one of the most beautiful things in nature.
If you look hard enough, you will see a rainbow as the rain stops."
Yeah, i bet that sounded all fairly like...
Oh yeah im typing and working on another story. Ill post it on my
journal whenever i finish typing.
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Thursday, April 22nd, 2004
|
|
|
Breaking the Girl - RHCP
So..Prom...should i go? Should i not go...
I have the money to go. I have enough to get a tux and all. I do want to see my friends there and everyone having fun. I want to have a good time with everyone. Alex and Steph are going. Is steve? Who wants to go alone when they wish they had someone to go with?
Hot Hot Heat - Bandages
Now that i think about it. I dont think i want to go though i want to see all my friends there having a good time and all. Who am i kidding though?? Even though i havent been to a school dance...ever. Unless you count game nights at metz, I almost know i wont have that great of a time. Just like the days at metz. Ill throw on a fake smile, grab a wad of cash and continue to have the feeling of some sort of emptyness. Yeah..Ill just wait till the after party. That seems like it could be fun right? I mean, the freedom center. Ive never been there before. What a better first time then the after prom right? I dont know. I doubt that too now that i give it a second thought and a third...and a fourth and so on. Maybe next year, if things are looking up. Ill go next year thats it. If it's bad or i dont feel like staying ill just spend the rest of the night driving till i catch the sun. Nothing like an empty highway with cars full of strangers to surround you.
Death cab for cutie - Lightness
Im going on in pure gibberish now..
So yeah congrats to all the happy people going to prom with someone. My dad is telling me i should go to prom. I really dont want to go though.
Moby - Porcelain
sajkdfh lasdkfhdkf haooi f'daoghd ofaodfhoid f
!
:/
Im sorry.
|
|
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
Aint going nowhere....
yep. So the weekend is over. Its a warm sunday night
and im sitting here in the office using aim, perhaps
the program which ive come to despise the most. Or the
people on it, whichever. Its weird really how a small
block of text can make one feel so different.
I dont know anymore. Hello zelda. Soon you will have
blue eyes. Whenever they get here and i have time to
install them. You wont let me down will you?
You wont make me feel bad, will you?
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Wednesday, April 14th, 2004
|
|
|
And tomorrow a nobody.
Hurray, today is my birthday. Now something suprizingly cool is supposed to happen today because im cool like that. Im supposed to get large balloons and money and a decorated locker...right?
Well in some dream maybe. Today went a little more relaxed then A days usually go. Nothing exciting happened however i did recieve 3 hugs. One from Heather she told me she would give me last night. The 2 from Lisa today. Yeah, im speccialllll.
My mom left 2 cards for me by my bed and i found them when I woke up this morning, wow she does a lot to make me happy sometimes...
She bought me a whole platter of sushi from Costco today. Orgazmic ! The only word i can think of to describe it...MMMMMM. The she made me some fried rice and general tsos chicken. SOOO GOOOOODDDDD !!!! So this year all i really want is a new fan system for my case, a good pair of headphones and money. Thats all. Im still waiting for my check from work, which i may use to buy an mp3 player. A small one anyway. I still have to get a bigger monitor for zelda. She runs so well, just a bit too warm for me though. So i need fans. Im also getting a regulator type thing. Ill leave links at the bottom. So yeah. thats my big day...Not much.
Lisa, if you see this...or if someone sees this and will give her this message it would be apprieciated. Call me. Please, we stopped talking for some reason or another.
I am 17
|
|
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Thursday, April 8th, 2004
|
|
|
So far i dont feel like ive done enough this break. Here is a list of things have done though...
1) Friday Lanned with Brian, Phil and Daniel.
2) Went to a party.
3) Played cs for almost a full day and started a clan.
4) Ordered something over 150 dollars online.
5) Walked 3 miles to someones house just to say hi, even though he wasent home.
so far thats it, i need more to do though so i dont feel like im wasting my week.
Colleen your pics from "The Grand March" are cool ! Keep posting pics they make me happy!
|
|
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Thursday, March 25th, 2004
|
|
|
I got up this morning to a headache indusing alarm clock which didnt seem like it wanted to shut its digit mouth this morning. Ugh, that thing is probably the reason why i dont like mornings anymore. I threw on some clothes and dragged my somewhat stil asleep body to the bus stop. As I arrived i noticed how warm this Thursday morning was and how hot my jacket was getting. The sun had, for the most part, already come up so i didnt get to watch as i was sometimes lucky enough to do on certain post winter mornings. However, the rays from the fresh mornng sun had pierced the stong hold of the dreary rain threatening clouds.
The bus came and all i had to look at was the small section of town we traveled to every morning and thinking to myself, "Damnit i need to get my license ASAP." I began to imagine how my mornings would be if i did. Wonderful it seemed. Id get up about the same time but with more time to realy get ready and maybe even eat breakfast. I would ride my yellow motorcyle past the kids at the bus stop and let them envy me as i reved my engine. I wonder what they would say...Ohwell, doesnt matter to me. I would take off down hastings going towards giant, letting the thrill of my freedom run throught me. Eventually I would stop at 711 for my morning coffee then depart from school. I would feel like the world had it's eye on me as i gunned my way to my spot, switching gears efforlessly fluid.
The bus came to a stop at the tan cement sidewalk of the front of the school. I looked at the junior lot and noticed an empty spot and sighed, "One day.." I thought as i made my way off the bus. From here all i remember is fumbling through school, seeing the few people i actually care about, and imaging i had something to do when i got home. [sigh]
After i walked home from booster I ddnt realy feel like doing much of anything, so i just turned some music on and chilled, so to speak. Eventually I left and went for a short walk. I walked over to the other part of racquet circle where i saw a girl who looked familier, it was mary. She came to Lauren's house after soccer practice. I didnt say hi or anything like that. I just sort of walked by withought anyone noticing me. As I walked by i imagined i said hi to her and we had some sort of small conversation, then she would eventually go with the rest of the soccer team into Lauren's house and i would walk home. As they filed into the house up the old cement steps i departed and began to go back home. As i rounded the corner and found myself on hastings I noticed the sun setting right before me. It was just as wonderul as i remember it from the first time i saw one. The colours red and orange swirled together into the clouds with a touch of pink residing within. The sky around was a simple shade of blue and the clouds seemed to be traveling towards the fading light. It was here i wished the most. I wished i could spend a moment like this with someone i cared about. I remember I tried once or twice but it didnt work at all. I continued walking, remembering my computer was waiting for me at home..
|
|
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Saturday, March 20th, 2004
|
|
|
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is amazing.
Go see it
NOW !
|
|
Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Thursday, March 11th, 2004
|
|
|
I just got home from booster. It seemed kinda easy. Martin and I worked through most of it together. Im so tired. Today was quite boring though so there really isnt much to talk about much like the rest of my days so yeah....
I saw her practicing with her soccer team. I remember when she fell asleep in class earlier today. I smiled..
|
|
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Saturday, March 6th, 2004
|
| Time: | 8:30 pm. |
| Music: | Janes Addiction - jane says. |
|
Im on my new computer !!!!!!!! 1111 it rox
So yeah. Zelda is here :D
|
|
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Wednesday, February 25th, 2004
|
| Subject: | hi ya ! |
| Time: | 7:32 pm. |
| Mood: |  blah. | | Music: | Bright Eyes - The Calender hung itself. |
|
I just got off of work.
I have the "i just got off of work jitters."
I am home alone.
Project Zelda will be complete soon enough minus two items, video card and monitor.
I mounted the mainboard [not that mount ;)] I turned it on and it worked the first time. She glows many colours, she is pretty. I cant wait till she is complete.
Sapphire.
|
|
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
winterneverends's journal
lonely.
pissed off.
creative.
lazy.
good.